Roller Coaster Riding

I've been intending to write this blog entry for many months now.  But, truth be told, every time I sit down to write it, the story changes.  I believe it is finally done changing--for awhile anyway.

My story, which is probably the most personal I have put on this blog, started way back around Christmastime.  I had decided to apply to graduate school for occupational therapy, which is something I have been wanting to do for some time now.  However, between having a child and moving to and from Chicago, the timing wasn't right--until now.  Or so I thought.  

Over holiday break, I spent considerable amounts of time preparing admission essays, contacting those I wanted to write me letters of recommendations, and filling out the lengthy application.  I also decided to get serious about preparing for the GRE as that was a requirement at the particular school I was most interested in applying to.  The GRE had been my single biggest deterrent to applying to grad school--I was absolutely terrified to take it.

Fast forward a few months.  

I met the January 31 deadline for all of the admission requirements (a few days early even!), but shortly before I sent all of the materials in, I found out that I was pregnant.  We were ecstatic as we had been trying for about 8 months at that point.  Because I had already put so much work into applying for school, I opted to go ahead and send everything in and deal with exactly what that would mean later.  My due date was in September, so I figured I could defer for one year and start when the baby was almost one year old.

Unfortunately, however, a few days before we left to visit Disneyworld, I started spotting and eventually ended up losing the baby right before our trip.  I don't wish to revisit that time of my life, but suffice it to say that it is the worst thing I have ever gone through.  Surprisingly, the trip to Florida really helped me emotionally deal with what my body was physically going through.   There was definitely something about putting all of our focus on making the trip special for Amelia that made me realize how very lucky we are to have such an amazing little girl.

At the end of February, I took the GRE and by early March I had received my acceptance letter to the best OT program in the country (which happens to be right here in St. Louis)!  This was fantastic news, of course, but a part of me kept wondering when we would have time to have the second child we so badly wanted.  Although we discussed putting off trying until the end of the 2 year program, it wasn't something I wanted to do being 30 and having fertility issues already.  We decided to continue trying and continue the process of beginning graduate school in the fall at the same time.

To my extreme surprise, in late April I began having early pregnancy symptoms--just after returning from our DC trip.  After getting no fewer than 3 positive tests,  I skipped the cute ways of telling Jason and the grandparents the news and very matter-of-factly told them what was going on.  Needless to say I have been incredibly paranoid this time around.  My poor doctor's office was fielding almost daily calls from me for awhile.  But, a couple of weekends ago, I reached the magic "12" week mark and have had two ultrasounds, the last of which showed a tiny baby moving about with a quick 183 heartbeat.  The doctor actually used the word "perfect" on more than one occasion during that visit, which was reassuring--for about a week.  

I had another appointment today, at 13 weeks and 4 days and heard the tiny, whooshing heartbeat again.  The heartbeat was a little slower this time, 156 to be exact, and the doctor mentioned it was "being a boy today".

Interestingly, I have been extremely sick--more sick than I was when I was pregnant with Amelia--which I didn't think was possible.  I am on two different medications to help, but am still trying to find the balance on how best to make them work for me.

As for graduate school, the program has been incredibly supportive and is allowing me to defer entrance for one year.  All of my scholarships are still in place and I will become part of the class of 2012.   I think it is going to be incredibly difficult to enter a program with a 4 year old and an 8 month old, but I certainly would not have it any other way.

So, I guess I am officially announcing my pregnancy!  And to answer those questions that always seem to come....

Due Date: December 27, 2009

I'm 13.5 weeks.

No, we will not be finding out the gender. And, honestly, I don't care what it is.  If I had the opportunity to pick I don't even know what I would choose.  It would be nice to have one of each, but it would also be nice to have sisters--something I always wanted.

I am about 99% sure this is the last one!

We have been throwing around names--nothing definite.

So, be on the lookout for more pregnancy posts to come!